The New God
When you are not so smart and your options for success in life are so narrow, it becomes a natural reaction to embrace everything new, in the hope that somewhere along the line you will strike that which would turn fortune in your favour so that you too can be happy and feel a sense of fulfilment.
Poor people are desperate people; and I use poor broadly to include the greedy, the insecure, the narrow minded, the lazy (the list is long but I’m sure you get my drift).
Their situation leaves them susceptible to anything and the closing years of the 20th century gave birth to something new enough for the above category of people to outdo the modestly stupid (whom this blog is out to help) in chasing after blindly. The new thing in question was a reintroduction of a familiar Super Being, a repackaging of the age old revered phenomenon – GOD.
Let me quickly say that I speak exclusively of the pentecostal Christian God (for now).
Growing up, even as recently as the 1980’s, the image of God I had was that of a really big old man with large roving eyes and a very long beard, who wore the largest white robes and sat permanently on a huge throne with a blaze of fire all around him. He was a Being that evoked fear and trembling and you did not want to sin and die and go face Him because you already knew the options he gave – heaven or hell. And you knew he would cast you into hell because most sins are premeditated and you are not always going to remember to ask for forgiveness for all of them. So while on earth it was important to deal with Him carefully so we approached him in utter solemnity, singing hymns mainly, for it was important not to be boisterous before Him.
We FEARED God and tried to avoid evil.
The present times however has seen a refurbishing of that Awesome Old Being. These days God dances to rap (ask Kirk Franklin), accepts kickbacks (ask Creflo Dollar), runs errands and does your every bidding if you write the right cheque (ask David Oyedepo). As a result, he is now so weak that he just forgives everything (ask Joel Osteen).
The image of God I now have is of one that wears the biggest sizes of Fubu jeans and t-shirts, timberland boots and a fez cap turned backwards on weekends. And on weekdays he wears big Armani suits and carries a samsonite briefcase in which there are a million chequebooks and an assortment of credit and debit cards; going everywhere in search of viable investments for all the money that accrues to his countless accounts.
It goes without saying that he doesn’t even sit on that boring throne anymore. He is with us everywhere we go. He most certainly is there when we receive our paycheques to ensure we don’t cheat him out of his cut, you know, the ten percent. And when we abide by these rules we can always relax and enjoy a game of backgammon or ludo with him.
It must be so much fun being God these days. I can imagine how impatient He was with Jesus. The guy came, would not accept bulls and goats anymore, went about receiving widow’s mite, was disdainful of the temple tax such that after dodging it for a while and the people would not let him be he sent Peter to go remove a coin from the belly of some fish (it wasn’t worthy of the little cash Judas carried around) and pay for both of them (he wouldn’t even pay for the other disciples).
To worsen the matter, he went about preaching love!
I can hear John Haggae and Matthew Ashimolowo joining Tina Turner to sing “what’s love got to do with it”.
God must have been mightily relieved that the guy was killed. He was bad business. That was why He did not waste time to send the Holy Spirit who always whispers in your ears the amount you should give during services (ask Creflo Dollar again).
All you great people out there whom I address in this blog oh hear me. Watch out! If you are a Christian and not sure what to do about this New God and his prophets just stick to point number 4 in my post 8 STRATEGIES FOR THE STUPID TO BE SUCCESSFUL.
This surely is not the end of the matter.